All right, I realize it’s been a while since my last post, so here’s a long story in an attempt to correct this travesty. I have quite a few more stories to tell, including tales about the Mansfield College Ball, Halloween, and Oxford urban legends, but for now, this will have to suffice. So without further ado, I give you…
My Trip to the RUSI: The RUSI, or the Royal United Services Institute, is a non-profit organization located in London that describes itself as, “the Professional Forum in the UK for those concerned with National and International Defence and Security.” This is code for, “We have a lot of really interesting books on World War II.” And as such, my tutor has been pushing me to take a trip down to the RUSI library since day one.
I need to back up slightly and explain that, first of all, one of my tutorials for this term is Winston Churchill and the Second World War. It’s my primary tutorial, so I meet once a week with my tutor, Professor Neville Brown, for about three hours every Friday evening. Side note: this is an extremely long time for a tutorial. Most only last an hour, and even two hours is pretty rare. But three hours, which is how long Neville’s prone to lecture, is unheard of.
Now I need to give you a quick run down of Neville Brown. Neville’s in his mid-seventies with a classically kind English old man face: slightly droopy eyes, a broad smile, wispy, wavy, white hair, rosacea on his nose, and permanently flaky skin. He’s a good tutor, but he has a propensity to talk a lot, and he’s a slow talker. He tends to take about ten minutes to make a point he could have made in two because he goes off on tangents in the middle of his stories. He has a lower voice, not booming or too deep, but very serious, and he can relay the gravity of any situation with ease. He does laugh quite a bit at himself and our subject, and our tutorials are interesting if nothing else. I’ll leave it at that for now because Neville really could be his own blog entry, and I might have to add a full post just about him at some point.
One last thing you should know about Neville as it’s pertinent to our story: when Neville settles on an idea for something he wants you to do, he will hound you on it until you do it. I’m not sure if that’s just his nature, or if he forgets that he’s brought it up a hundred times before, but that’s that. So when Neville decided I should go to the RUSI to do research for one of my papers, there was really no way I was going to avoid the trip to London.
Last Friday, Nov. 13, it was settled that I would travel to the RUSI on Tuesday, Nov. 17 to do research for my upcoming paper on the Bomber Offensive. I’d get there as early as I could, do some research and meet with Neville for lunch.
Tuesday finally rolled around and I woke up bright an early at 6:40 am to get ready. With my current sleeping plan, this was waaaaay to early for me to be up. I haven’t seen the sun rise in about six months and that’s the way I like it, thank you very much. So after dragging myself out of bed and showering while I was still mostly asleep, I packed my bag for the day. The bus was set to leave at 8:00 am from a bus stop very close to my dorm, but I was three pounds short for the bus fare, and I needed to get down to an ATM before heading to the bus stop. Of course, the ATMs are in the opposite direction from where I needed to be, but there was no avoiding it. I set out for my favorite ATM, the one inside Costcutters, at about 7:35. I got down to the store only to find that Costcutters doesn’t open to 8:00. Crap. Fortunately the next line of ATMs were just down the street by Tesco’s. Unfortunately, this meant I was going to have to book it to get to the bus on time and I was wearing a nice wool sweater. Oh well, they’re called sweaters for a reason I suppose. I picked up the pace, rushed to ATM and made it back to the bus stop with two minutes to spare. Phew! But as with all stories when you rush to some place to be on time, the bus, of course, was late.
I hopped on the Oxford Express to London at about 8:15. The ride is about an hour and forty minutes long, so I settled in to eat my packed breakfast and read my current Jane Austen novel. Yet as is the norm with me riding public transportation, I fell asleep. I work up about two hours later to find we were just getting to London. Thanks to some traffic problems, we arrived at Victoria Coach Station around 10:50. Feeling as though I’d already lost a ton of research time, I hoped on another bus to head to Whitehall, the home of the RUSI.
After getting lost on Whitehall due to construction and my own idiocy to not write down the RUSI’s precise address, I found my way into the RUSI lobby. John Montgomery, the librarian came down to pick me up and escorted me on a tour of the library. It was a nice, smaller library. It reminded me of an English gentleman’s large personal library (the kind I’d like to have some day). There were big squashy leather armchairs and great, high shelves, a nice gallery with workstations, and a nifty spiral staircase to take you between the lower and upper levels. By the time I had grabbed an armful of books and set up at a workstation, it was nearly time to meet Neville for lunch. I worked diligently (i.e., I power skimmed the books looking for relevant information) until it was time to meet Neville in the lobby.
I met Neville at the appointed time and we plodded our way towards the National Liberal Club for lunch. Neville’s a member of the club (in spite of his “varying political beliefs,” as he reminded me about twenty times leading up to the trip), and he wanted to show me, among other things, a portrait of Winston Churchill as a young man. We got to the club, but we were told we could not dine there because I was wearing jeans. As Neville put it, “In spite of their name, they have very conservative standards of dress!” We were allowed, however, to go look at the portrait of Churchill. It’s a great painting of him. You can really see the melancholy in his face. Churchill used to say how the “black dog within me,” would sometimes get the better of him. It’s probably what drove him to his borderline alcoholism. Neville took a picture of Winston and me together, and we set off to find somewhere else to eat.
After ambling our way around for about ten minutes (and when I say amble, I mean inch, because Neville walks about as quick as a snail on decaf), we settled on a traditional London pub, the Clarence. I lead the way into the pub and got us a table for two. The host sent us toward a small table in the corner. It was one of those half booth tables where one side is a booth and the other is a chair, and since I was leading the way, I took the booth seat, expecting Neville to take the chair. To my surprise, Neville sat right down next to me asking, “Is there room for the two of us in here?” Not really knowing what to say, I let him squeeze in next to me, even though it was clear that we weren’t going to fit two sets of plates on this side of the table.
In the name of cleanliness (and to escape the awkwardness of the situation), I headed to the bathroom to wash my hands. When I came back, Neville made to get up to let me back into the booth. I politely declined and took the chair instead. While I was away, Neville informed me that he’d been perusing the menu.
“Now they have the usual, boring sort of sandwich fare, nothing exciting there. But on the starters, they have whitebait. Doesn’t that sound good?”
Thinking he was merely asking my opinion about his lunch selection, I said yes. It turns out, he wasn’t merely asking my opinion for his lunch. When our waiter came over, he went ahead and ordered the whitebait and a half pint of bitters for both of us. This took me by surprise, and after thinking, “well, I actually wanted a sandwich, but ok,” I resigned myself to having the whitebait.
I had no idea what whitebait was, but I was assuming it was some kind of fish. I thought it was probably going to be fish chunks, sort of a mini fish and chips, minus the chips. Our meals came and I took stock of my plate. It seemed I was right; the whitebait appeared to be strips of fried fish all piled up in a little bowl. In the name of healthiness, I dove into the side salad first (in retrospect I’m glad I did). After demolishing my salad, I tuned to the whitebait. I dipped the glorified fish stick into the Bloody Mary sauce it came with and took a bite. It was extremely fishy tasting, and I’m not a huge fish fan, so I really didn’t like it. But I thought, “Ok, Neville ordered this for you. Be polite and try and chow down a few of these then you can leave it alone.” I uncomfortably down seven or eight more with copious amounts of sauce, until I came to a whitebait wasn’t fully breaded. As I picked the piece up, I noticed a fish eye looking back up at me. Upon closer inspection, I saw the entire fish head, and I realized that I had been eating whole fried sardines. Eyes, bones, brains and all.
Have you ever gotten the chills and known it wasn’t from being cold? As I weighed the impoliteness of throwing up with the impoliteness of ordering your own meal, I made a mental note that the former was probably worse than the latter and decided that I’d be ordering my own food from then on.
Yet that didn’t take care of the current dilemma, which was dealing with the realization that I’d been eating fish heads. I needed to get the taste out of my mouth and so I reached for my bitters. Before I took a swig, I noticed something floating in the foam, and proceeded to remove a long, black hair from my beer. At this point, I didn’t care. I needed this beer, and took a big gulp. As I did, my lips landed on a huge lipstick print. I hadn’t put on lipstick that morning. Ew.
I quickly scoured the menu for something edible and settled on the apple crumble with custard. I’ve become a huge apple crumble fan and our dining hall makes the best crumble in the world. Thinking that I couldn’t go wrong with the crumble, I ordered it as soon as possible. It took forever and a day to come out. Neville commented that, “they were probably harvesting the apples.” When it finally came out, it was piping hot, but I didn’t care. I poured on the custard and dove in.
I imagine it’s difficult to screw up crumble. After all, it’s pretty much fruit, sugar and crust, but this pub managed to screw it up royally. It was not sweet at all, and there were whole chunks of nutmeg and cinnamon just sitting in the crumble. I immediately bit into a clove of nutmeg, thus combining the horrible fishy taste of sardine with the hot, raw spicy taste of a nutmeg clove in my mouth. Not a good combo. I somehow managed to eat half of my terrible crumble and spread the other half around to make it look like I had eaten more of it. That’s five pounds I wish I had back.
After splitting the bill with Neville, I was ready to go home. But I still had another couple of hours of work to do in the RUSI before I could go back. I dutifully headed to the library and churned out a few more hours of work.
The thing about the RUSI library is that while I did get some useful information, it’s nothing I couldn’t have done at Oxford. The only real difference was the photocopying was cheaper and all the books I needed were more conveniently grouped together. Since I’m not a member, I couldn’t check any of the books out, and the ones I found really helpful all have copies at Oxford (but I can’t check them out there either). Essentially, I spent a day in London that probably could have been better spent at Oxford.
I worked till 5:30 pm when the library closed and I was kicked out by John Montgomery (who’s actually from California. Go figure). I knew the next bus left at 6:00, and since I wasn’t about to risk another terrible London food experience, I decided to try and catch it. After being forced to by another bus ticket (apparently you can’t buy two way bus tickets in London), I made it to the coach station just before six. I raced down to my gate and saw that the bus was waiting, but had all of its lights off. I wasn’t sure if the driver was taking a break or not, so I hesitated at the gate. Just when I was about to go out and check on the bus, it drove away. Crap.
Extremely hungry and sick of the day, I purchased a croissant to soothe my soul and stomach. The next bus wasn’t set to leave until 6:30, but fortunately, the bus came early and we left at 6:17. The ensuing ride home was uneventful, excepting the fact that I had a rather large woman as a seat partner who grunted loudly from time to time. I turned up my iPod and tried to forget about the day and the rumbling in my stomach.
When I got home, I raced over to a local pub, The Cape of Good Hope, for a good bite to eat. Steering away from anything that might be reminiscent of fish, I had a nice steak with peppercorn and excellent chips. The best part of the night was that it was trivia night, or quiz night as they call it here. I was eating by myself until the table next to me invited me over to join their team. I did and we had a great time guessing on most of the bizarre questions and getting to know each other. They said they come pretty much every week and they wanted me to come join their team on a regular basis. I think I will. Overall, the Cape of Good Hope gave me a nice end to an otherwise crappy day.
So what can you, the patient reader, learn from this experience? I’ll break it down into a few simple lessons:
1) Public transportation is a surefire sleep aid.
2) Always order for yourself.
3) Whitebait is gross and it is possible to screw up apple crumble.
4) The RUSI library is nice, but not really worth the hassle unless you’re researching for some obscure military defense project and/or live in London.
5) To salvage a bad day, go to quiz night at a pub and either bring or make friends.
Trust me on these ones kids, I lived ‘em all a day.