A Bright Idea

Light Bulb Story: Generally speaking, the English fail at making appliances. (And I’ve noticed my appliances have gone all screwy since I got here. Like my iPhoto, for instance. Keeps quitting without warning so I can’t actually access my pictures. Gah!). But overall, I’ve had the worst luck with English light bulbs. They sell two different styles of bulbs here: regular screw bottom bulbs (you know, the kind that work) and these funky, bayonet bottom bulbs. The bayonet bulbs look like a screw bottom bulb’s retarded cousin: instead of having a grooved spiral screw, they have two little metal nubs sticking out horizontally at the bottom, which I suppose screw into some special type of lamp. But mostly, I think they exist so that American students buy 500 light bulbs before getting the ones they need (it’s a conspiracy, man!).

During my first week, I wanted to purchase a small desk lamp at Boswell & Co. (the one stop shop for almost some of your shopping needs!) so that I could read in bed at night without having to get up, turn off the room light, and grope my way back to bed when I’m done reading. Before I went to buy the lamp, a friend warned me just how difficult it was for her to find the correct light bulb for her Boswell lamp. “Oh please,” I thought. “She just wasn’t looking hard enough and she wasn’t being careful to purchase the right bulb. It’s a light bulb. I think I can handle this.” Later that day in Boswell’s, lamp in hand, I pompously waltz into the light bulb section and grab the appropriately sized 40-watt bulb. I’m so confident, I buy two bulbs. After paying for my surefire success bulbs, I get back to my room to set up my new lamp. I go to screw in the bulb and… it didn’t fit. While I had correctly chosen right the size and wattage, I had purchased a bayonet bulb. Crap.

So of to Tesco’s Metro supermarket I went to buy a 40-watt screw bulb. I found the 40-watt screw bottom bulb and again purchased two, since I was sure this one was the right one. Wrong! I had purchased the “small” bottomed screw bulb for specialty lamps. At this point, I’m a bit frustrated.

After suffering through a few more lamp-less lights, I made it back to Boswell’s and headed to the lighting department. To avoid the chance that I might purchase another set of ill fitting light bulbs, I grabbed an identical lamp to the one I purchased, took it downstairs to the guy working the home electrical section and asked him which bulb I needed. He grabbed the correct bulb in about two seconds and started to ring me up. Just to be sure, I asked him to screw one of the bulbs into the lamp I brought downstairs. After looking at me like I was a complete loonball, he screwed in the bulb and, indeed, it was a perfect fit! Nearly overcome with emotion at the prospect of being able to read into the night, I dashed home to light my lamp. The bulb fit perfectly, just like the one in the store. Success! After all my failures, I could finally enjoy night reading via the light provided by a properly fitting 40-watt filament bulb.

That night, while basking in the warm glow of my lamp and reading Sarah Vowell, the bulb burnt out.

Maybe I don’t really need a desk lamp after all.